JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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