No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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