i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I see more hoeing in ur future
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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