but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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