maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
