I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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