Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
