Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He better not be in your backpack
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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