I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
