I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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