She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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