one might say we're banned from that church
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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