it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
