someone threw a dead crab at me
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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