so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
