So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
