If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize