Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I think my moral compass just broke
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