Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
