i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
