i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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