What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
