I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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