I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
