my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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