She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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