He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
And then my night got REAL pukey
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
