Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize