Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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