Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
