its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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