Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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