dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
