I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
