In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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