yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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