Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
