Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
organizing the empties. That sober.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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