glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I cockslap morals
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The power of my boobs compel you
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
