Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
