hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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