if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize