party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
