if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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