whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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