i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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