the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
