Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
