I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
