Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
