I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
