guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
