do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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