After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
