You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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