Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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