so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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