I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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