You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
