FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
