I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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