First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
