During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
