Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
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