She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
