You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
