Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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