All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
