i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
