so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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