i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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