Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
